Today I’m answering a reader question, sent by a young man asking for advice on love and relationships. He wants to know, “What makes women feel loved?”
Whew! Tough question. Women are complicated!
Ask this question of 100 different women and you’ll probably get 100 different answers.
Some love flowers. Some love messages. Some love gifts (I have a friend who loves getting tools as gifts – how’s that for unusual?). Some women love quality time, others feel loved when you help out with the kids or empty the trash.
It can all seem very confusing, but your job as the man is to figure out what works for your woman; what makes your woman feel loved.
You have to become the expert on your woman.
You may not know how to make your woman feel loved, but God does. He will give you the wisdom to know how to make your woman feel special and treasured.
Try a few of the ideas I’m going to share in a moment, and see which ones get the best response.
It’s important to remember that what works today may not work tomorrow (sorry guys – there’s no set formula here!) So keep experimenting.
You’re not a mind reader. It’s fine to ask her what would make her feel loved. Nothing like going to the source for answers, eh?
So, let’s talk some specifics.
Make your woman a priority. She is more important than your parents, siblings, or friends, and the way you spend your time reveals what your priorities are and sends a strong message of love or neglect.
Let her know how much you appreciate her for who she is as a person. Tell her what qualities you like about her. Is she good with kids? An excellent cook? A loyal friend? Is she patient? A 5-star bookkeeper?
If you’re married, be sure to let your wife know how much you appreciate what she does for you.
Don’t try to control her or change her. Let her know you love her for who she is, today. Knowing she is loved unconditionally will make your woman blossom. If you try to control her you will drive her from you. Allow her to be an individual, to think for herself.
(This doesn’t mean you can’t point out things that bother you. Just make sure she knows you are not trying to change her.)
Warning: There’s no quicker way to sink your boat and make a woman feel unloved than to consistently look at other women and comment on their beauty.
Give your woman a wink across a crowded room. Compliment her. Show small acts of thoughtfulness. Consciously think of small ways to improve her life – like putting things away when you’ve used them. Let her know you think she’s beautiful and desirable.
Women process thoughts and emotions by talking about them. Make time to listen to your woman without trying to solve her problems. Just listen. If she asks for solutions then give them. This will go a long way to making her feel loved.
Don’t keep secrets or hide information from your woman. Always tell the truth. Share deep and intimate thoughts with her. Be vulnerable and share your feelings about experiences as well as your struggles and challenges, but don’t use her as a dumping ground.
Write her small notes or text messages, give light physical touch, and hugs. If you’re married, don’t only touch her when you want intimacy. Non-sexual touch tells her you love her for who she is, not just for her body.
Don’t scroll on your phone, daydream, or stare off into the distance when you are together. Engage with your woman. Listen to what she’s actually saying. A woman can sense when her man is off somewhere else in his mind.
Ask for her opinion on your decisions. Let her know what your plans and dreams are. Most women have valuable input to give and can often sense when things are “off” in a situation.
Speak life into your relationship by using positive words. Compliment your woman in public. Speak tenderly to her. Tell her you love her. Pray for her out loud. Most women crave spiritual leadership from their husbands (or boyfriends). As you pray for her, she feels secure, comforted, and loved.
Relationships, and particularly marriages, often fall apart due to neglect. Don’t let yours be a statistic. Be intentional about meeting your woman’s needs.
Women may seem complicated, but their needs are mostly emotional and relational (did you notice?) Find out what your woman’s needs are, and meet them.
Women, what makes you feel loved? What did I miss? Share in the comments!