Falling in love, preparing to marry, and getting married should be the happiest time in your life.
Many people enter marriage expecting bliss, end up horribly disappointed, and wonder what went wrong.
A huge reason is because a lot of people enter marriage broken, hurting, and immature, and they believe that marriage will fix their personal issues.
But marriage won’t make problems go away.
Marriage only magnifies what you refuse to address prior to getting married. And these unresolved issues often create marital misery.
There’s a saying that goes, “Victory loves preparation”, and it applies very much to marriage.
If you want a successful marriage, then preparation is key, and a really good way to prepare for marriage is to get premarital counselling.
Here’s what premarital counselling will do for you:
Communication is key to a healthy marriage, but it doesn’t always come naturally. It’s a skill that can be learned. (For more on communication read Is your Communication up to Scratch? or watch these two videos: 8 Ways to Improve Couple Communication and 12 Communication Killers
The goal of communication is to understand each other. Many relationship issues can be solved with just a little healthy communication.
Richard and I helped a young couple solve an area of ongoing conflict in their relationship just by getting them each to tell why they were reacting the way they were and what they were thinking. Understanding each other brought immediate relief to their relationship, and deeper intimacy and connection.
Building communication skills will help you get to know and understand each other better and immediately increase intimacy between you.
Counselling should also teach you how to solve problems and resolve conflict in a healthy way.
Premarital counselling provides opportunity to catch issues that have the potential to cause conflict and that could lead to divorce if not resolved. Addressing issues before marriage is the best way to ensure a solid foundation for your marriage.
Now let’s be honest, it’s really tough to address issues! But having a third party present will make it easier to talk about things that bother you in your fiancé. A counsellor will help you say hard things and to be honest and vulnerable. They can also keep your conversation on track and focus on solutions.
Premarital help puts a couple in touch with someone who has been married for a long time. Life experience is so valuable. Why re-invent the wheel if you can learn from a couple that has experience behind them? (Provided they have a good marriage themselves!)
One of the most satisfying things in life is self-discovery. Knowing and understanding yourself will make you a better marriage partner. You will know why you do what you do, why you feel the way you do, and be able to teach your future spouse how to love you well.
We all have different expectations when entering marriage – and these can often lead to unnecessary conflict and even destroy a marriage. Counselling will help you identify what your expectations are and whether they are realistic or not.
For more on expectations in marriage, Read How to Identify & Talk About Expectations in Marriage
So, should you get premarital counselling? Absolutely!
You are going to live with your spouse for a very long time, and any investment you put into your marriage will be worth the cost and effort.
Marriage takes continual work, and, like I said, “Victory loves preparation”. It’s wise to be well prepared before getting married and set yourself up for success.
If you are considering marriage and looking for premarital counselling, Richard and I are certified SYMBIS assessment facilitators – an online evaluation of your relationship and preparedness for marriage. It produces a report that we discuss with you – either in person or online via Zoom, Skype, or FaceTime.
Check out the assessment here
Contact us for more details on cost (we try to keep it as cheap as possible!)
Remember, the investment is worth it!