As I walked at sunrise this morning I talked with God. (Not an actual conversation, but I talked to God and He spoke to my mind, silently, in my thoughts.)
Here’s how it went:
“What do you want to say to me this morning, Lord?”
“Let’s talk about your thoughts and feelings.”
“What about my thoughts and feelings, Lord? I’m not thinking or feeling anything.”
“We need to talk about your thoughts and feelings because that’s who you are.”
I walked a little way, meditating on that thought. No matter what’s going on on the outside, my thoughts and feelings are what I really am. That’s what God sees, and cares about.
I thought I wasn’t thinking or feeling anything this morning, but as I walked some stuff came bubbling to the surface.
Feelings of inadequacy. Failure. That I’m worth nothing.
I’m comparing myself to another woman who has written books, earned a degree, adopted a child, speaks publicly, all while homeschooling her children.
And me? Why can’t I do as much as she does? What’s wrong with me? I should give up writing…
My feelings of valueless-ness brought pain and despair. Why even bother to try then? I’m never going to achieve anything great…
As I walked, God spoke again.
“You’re looking for your value in the wrong place. It’s not in what you can do, but what I did for you. I placed value on you when I died for you. That’s your value yardstick.” (I have tears in my eyes as I write.)
Oh, Love that awakens love in my heart.
The truth is, I am precious in His sight. God says so:
“Since you are precious and honoured in My sight, and because I love you, I will give men in exchange for you, and people in exchange for your life.” Isaiah 43:4 (NIV)
My performance cannot change my value. It is fixed. Fixed because Christ died for me. He saw something in me that He wanted and loved.
And that is enough.
You and I need to stop going to the false sources of value – work, performance, friends, clothes, money, achievements, possessions, our kids, our spouse (or girlfriend/boyfriend).
We need to go to the true source – Christ and His love for us – and find our value there.
One of my favourite spots in Namibia is Ongongo. A small pool of warm-ish water that appears out of nowhere in the harsh, rocky land that surrounds it. On our recent visit there Richard and I walked up to the source of that pool. We found it near an enormous tree. It trickles out from a nondescript hole in the ground, becoming a stream that leads to a small waterfall. There, at its base, people swim and enjoy the clear water, even in winter.
It’s a small spring that provides water for local livestock, and pleasure for tourists in a hot, thirsty land.
Without that small stream the wilderness surrounding it would be a desolate place.
The source of this wilderness gem is tiny but its impact is great.
Let Christ be the source of your value, your satisfaction. Let Him be the source of your thoughts and feelings, your joy and peace.
“…all my springs (fountain, source) are in Thee.” Psalm 87:7
And then let Him decide what your achievements should be.
Where do you turn for value? Are you looking in the wrong place?