What to Expect from the First Few Years of Marriage

What to expect from marriage

Getting married is great! You’ve dreamed of being together for so long, planned for it, and now it’s a reality!

Being together ALL the time is one of the best things about being married, but you’ll also begin to notice some things about your spouse that you didn’t notice before – because now you actually live together.

What else can you expect from marriage in the first few years? Let’s dive in!  

Positives:

  • Waking up together every day.
  • Never having to say goodbye at the end of the day.
  • Physical intimacy (hopefully lots of it!).
  • Spiritual growth together.
  • Staying awake and talking for hours into the night.
  • Doing home DIY together/fixing your home/doing home décor.
  • Freedom to go where you want, when you want – total independence.
  • Freedom to make your own decisions and not be accountable to anyone else.
  • Being loved and understood in spite of your failures.
  • Always having someone to come home to.
  • Having someone on your side.
  • Praying together and for each other.
  • Having a safe place emotionally to share your struggles.
  • Having someone who believes in you.

I realise that some of you reading this have troubled marriages and a lot of these positives may be missing in your relationship.

See these things as goals to work towards and don’t hesitate to get help if your relationship has more challenges than positive aspects.

Challenges:

  • Trying to figure out roles – who does what.
  • Communication challenges as a result of misunderstandings or disagreements.
  • Sorting through differences of opinion and coming to agreement.
  • Having difficult conversations about things that bother you.
  • Decisions about values and lifestyle choices.
  • Differences between males and females.
  • Irritations with small things you didn’t see before – you’ve never actually lived or slept in the same bed as this person, now you’ve discovered they blow their nose all night or twitch while they sleep.
  • Selfishness – you’re going to see each other’s deepest weaknesses.
  • Impatience or irritation with each other’s faults at times.
  • Conflict. This isn’t necessarily bad though. Conflict is guaranteed, it’s how you deal with it that counts.
  • Expect the love-high to slowly wane and a deeper love take its place (this is not necessarily negative.)
  • Not being attracted to each other at times.
  • Feeling taken for granted at times.
  • Challenges with in-laws and extended family.
  • Learning how expensive food and household supplies are and budgeting for it.

Marriage is full of both positives and negatives. If you focus on the blessings, the challenges won’t seem so bad.

(And please note, I’m talking about a healthy relationship here, not an abusive one. Abuse should never be overlooked or tolerated.)  

What positive things about being married do you enjoy? What challenges surprised you?

About The Author

Jennifer Lovemore

Jennifer has diplomas in relationship counselling and CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy), is a certified SYMBIS facilitator, and is certified in TPM (Transformation Prayer Minsitry). She lives in South Africa, has three grown children, and is married to her best friend – Richard.

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